i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
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Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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