girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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