i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i came on her dog
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is Oprah even human
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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