piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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