You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
