Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have aggressive nipples.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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