Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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