what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
