I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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