I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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