I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
