Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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