I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
