I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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