Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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