Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
