Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
