He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
