i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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