I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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