My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it hurts more in the daytime
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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