Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
