I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
