Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
