it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
