When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
