I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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