your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
