Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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