My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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