thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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