I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
