So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My vagina is very pro this idea
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
