Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Randomize
