We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
