So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so let's talk penis.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
