Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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