i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
