Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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