WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
