Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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