dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
