Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
