my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
