Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Found the puke drawer
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
