So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
