she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
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It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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