He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
