You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
