I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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