Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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