i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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