I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
