did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
