he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
