You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
