So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
