then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
