She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
