five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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