I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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