No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
