I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
