Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
