Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is Oprah even human
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize