no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
