Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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