No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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