Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I could fuck to npr.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
