so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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