I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
