In America we eat man semen.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
