God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
