A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
