TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
