Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
